Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
