Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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