Need sex. Gaining weight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Alive.
So much puke
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
