Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
