I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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