I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize