You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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