Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
