were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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