I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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