Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
