I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
