I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I smell like Dick and happiness
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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