Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
should my penis look like a turkey
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
