I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
