Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
