the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
