I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
