Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
