We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Drake has all the answers
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
