why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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