I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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