he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
