I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm like, not good at living.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
