The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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