You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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