Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
