Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
