I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
