when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
