The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
