apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize