If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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