remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I would fuck him just for his dog
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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