Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
