Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
