i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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