Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
