I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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