I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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