Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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