im about as happy as oj after his trial
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
