I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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