Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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