i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
is it fun? or sober?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
