Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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