Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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