He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
