I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize