I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
