You're my little dorito
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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