Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
