Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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