i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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