Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
