Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
