i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
