definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
