i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
