so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
