I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
