Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize