Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
