ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
