I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
