So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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