What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
