he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
