we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
