the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
