you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
