Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just googled if crying burns calories
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
