fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
only if we run a train.
done.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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