We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
