Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
