Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
