You really coming over, don't trick.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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