Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
