I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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