The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
