I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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