she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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